ONE DAY, NI RUSSIA!11!!!11!111
RASPUTIN: LOL
Tails: Sonic! Hawaii needs your help! The time and space of the Honalulu state castle has been frozen by the evil wizard Zorlock! Please save them!!
RASPUTIN: STFU NOOB!!11!!1
RASPUTIN SHOOTS TAILS WITH HIS HANDGUN
RASPUTIN: NWO 2 SAYVV TEH CASSUL!!11!11

ADN SO, RASPTUIN JOURNEEYS OFF 2 HUHWAIYEE, @ SAYV TEH KIGN MISRE ADN TEH CASTTUL!!111!1 HOWEVRE, RASPUTIN FIDNS HMISEFL LOST IN HUHWAIYEE111!1!!1
RASPUTIN: WTF WHREE AM I?//???/??/
Texas Ranger Walker: Damned if I know!
RASPUTIN: ESSELXCHHZUUSE ME SER BTU HAVV YUO SEEN TEH CASSTTUTL ARODWND HEER?//?/
Texas Ranger Walker: Damned if I know! ...But maybe we can find it by stealing gasoline!
RASPUTIN; UMM TAHTS NOT RELEE GUNNA HELP US U NO
Texas Ranger Walker: I'm just desperate to steal gasoline, son.
RASPUTIN: LOL MOST MEN R
Texas Ranger Walker: Yup! ...Say, I'm getting pretty close to my last wife's house, and if she sees me within twenty miles of her, I get another five years in jail...mind if I tag around with you?
RASPUTNI: UM SUR!!11!1
Texas Ranger Walker: Yippy!

RASPUTIN JOINZ FORCESE WITH TEH TEXSES RANGER WALKERR TO STOP TEH EVUL HAX0R ZORLOCK!111!!1 TOGETHRE THEAY SPEDN MEENNY DAYZ N SECONDZ SERCHIGN 4 TEH CASTULLLL
RASPUTIN: OMFG WER IS IT??/?/?
Texas Ranger Walker: Damned if I know! ...Why don't we ask for directions from that large, grey, medieval-themed, palace-like building over there?
RAPSUTNI: LOL OK
RAPSINTUINN ADN TEXAS RANGRE GO 2 TEH "PALACE" NOT KNOWIGN IT WAS ACTUAYLLY TEH CASTUL!11!! OMG THAY R N00BZ HUH?//??// LOL!!111!

RASPUTNI: OMG HELO?//?/? ASL PLZ!!11!1
JESTRE: URMOM/URMOM/URMOM!1111!!11!
Texas Ranger Walker: Waaaaahahaha! He's got your number, guy!
RASPTUNI: O STFU KEVIN!!11!1 ..LOL SRY, DO U NO WHER WE R??/??
JESTERR: LOLOL UR IN TEH CASTUL!!11!
RASPUTIN: RELEE??/? R U DA KING??/??
JESTRE: LOL NO IM JUTS A JESTER!11!!
RASPTUIN: WEL DEN Y ARENT U RYMING??/?/
JESTER: IN THSI PARTICULAR PLAEC ADN TIME, I M TEH LEEST LIKELY PERSUN 2 RHYME!!11!1
RASPUTIN: ...
JESTER: OSHIT
JESTER EXPLDOES!!!!11
Texas Ranger Walker: Well, we're at the castle...now what do we do?
RASPUTIN: LETS FIDN TEH BATHROOM I GOTTA PEE MAN

RASPUTIN ADN TEXAXS RANGER WALKER APROACH A DOR, OBLIVIOUS OF WAT WOOD HAPPEN NEXT!!11!1
DOOR: HOHHOOHHOHO!!ho1!ho11111!oHOHOH111!HO!!111!1HOHOHO!hoHO1HO1ho!11!1LOL!11H111Oh1Oh!
RAPSUTIN: OMFG!!11!!1211!
DOOR: 2 PROCEED THRU MY PATH U MUST ANSER A RIDDUL!!11!11
RAPSUTIN: FOCK
DOOR: WAT COLUOR IS DA BLOO MOON??/????? YOOR CHOICESZE R: A. EL LOBO B. RETURN OF THE JEDI C. APRIL or D. 52204!!!!11!11
RASPUTIN: UM IDUNNO WUT DO U THIKN KEVIN??//??
Texas Ranger Walker: Hmm, this is quite a pickle!
DOOR: CORRECKT!11!!11!
DA DOOR FLIES OPEN!!!111!!
RASPUTIN: OMG GOOD JOB!!11!1
Texas Ranger Walker: Ha, I knew it all along.

RAPSUTIN ADN TEXAS RANGER WALKER WALK INTO THE NEXT ROOM!!11!1 THEY SEE A MAN WITH A PARROT!!11!
BIRD: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
MAN: STFU!!11!!111 STFU!!111!!
BIRD: LOLOLOLOLOLLLOLOLOL
MAN: AUGHHHH!!1!11!!one!1111
Texas Ranger Walker: What the Sam Hell is wrong with your bird, mister!?
MNA: I DUNNO IT WONT SHTU PU!!11!! I TIHNK ITS HAVIGN HIS PERIOD LOL
RASPUTIN: LOL!!!11!!!
BIRD: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
MAN: I WISH IT WUOLD SHUT UP!!11!1
Texas Ranger Walker: Hm! I had a pet bird like this before! I remember what shut it up, too!
TEXAS RANGER WALKER DRAWS HIS GUN
MAN: I ALREDDY TRYED TAHT
Texas Ranger Walker: Damn!
RASPTUIN: WEL WAT SHOOD WE DO??/??/
BIRD: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL ANSER DA RIDDLE ANSWR DA RIDDUL!11!111 LOLOLOLOLOL
RASPUTIN: HMM LETS ANSRE DA RIDDL!!11!
Texas Ranger Walker: Huh...that's just crazy enough to work!
RASPTUNI APPROCHES THA DOOR CAUTIUSYLY!!11!!
DOR: HEER IS YUOR RIDDL!!11! HOW MENNY NUMBERZ ARE THERR??/?? YUOR CHOICEZ ARE: A. KENSAS B. NO C. LOLOLOLOL or D. YSE!!!!1111
RAPSUTIN: OH WTF THEES RIDDULS AR TEH SUX
MAN; YEA SERIUSLY IVE BIN STUKK HEER 4 1,337 DAYZ!!111!11
RAPSUTIN: WOW TATS A REEL KIK IN DA CROTCH
MAN: LOL
BRID: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
DOOR: CORRECT!!11!
TEH DOOR LFIES OPEN!1`!~111!
BIRD; PWNED
RAPSTUIN: YSE!!!!111111!!1
MAN: OMG THX U!!1!!1 U SAVED ME BUT PRIMCESS TOADSTOOL SI IN ANUTHRR CASTUL!111!1
RAPSUTIN: BICH
MAN: I WILL COM WITH U THO!!1!!
RAPSUTIN: OHKASYOA!!11!

AND SO MAN ADN BIRD JOIN RAPSUTIN ADN TEXAS RANGER WALKER ON THER QUEZST 4 DA TACOS!!11!!!!111!111111!!
RASPUTIN: GRR I WANT MY TACOS DAMMIT
Texas Ranger Walker: This is the price of welfare, bub.
RASPTUIN: SHTU PU
OWWER HEROZ WALK DEEPER INTO DA CASTUL!!11!!1
RASPUTIN: WAT A STRANGE ROOM
RASPUTIN ENTERS A ROOM WITH A LOTS OF FURNERATURE BUT NO ONEZ IN IT!!1!!11 SUDDENLY DA LITES GO OUT!11!11
RASPTUIN: OMG HOO BEZ?!?!/1/1!
RASPUTIN ADN HSI FRENDS STUMBUL ARROWUND IN DA DARK!!11! TEHN TEH LITES GO BAKK ON BUT NOW THERS LOTSA PPL ALL OVER TEH ROOM!11!1
PPL: HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAPSUTIN!11!1
RASPUTIN: OMG!!11! I COMPLETELY 4GOT!!11!
PPL: LOL!!11!
RASPTUIN OPENS HIS PRESENTS!!1!!!1
RAPSUTIN: WTF!1!!1 I DID NOT ASX 4 A VIBRATOR!!11! TAKE IT BAKCKPLZ
PPL #1: LOL YSE U DID!!11!
RASPUTIn: SHHHH!!!!11!
RASPUTIN OPENS MOR OF HIS PRESENTS!!111!!!1
RAPSUTIN: WOW A REEL SHOTGUN!!1!1 IV ALWAYS WANTED WUN!!11
PPL: AWWWW
RASPUTIN: TO DA BOOK DEPOSIRTORY!!1!
RASPUTIN TRIS OUT DA SHOTGUN!!11!!1
EVERYONE DIES!!1!!1 ..XCEPT 4 RASPTUIN, MAN, TEXAS RANGER WALKER, ADN DA BIRD!!11!
RASPUTIN: LOL
Texas Ranger Walker: Let's solve the next riddle, Joe!
RASPUTIN: OHKEYAY
RASPUTIN WALKS UP 2 DA DOR!!11!1
DOOR: PLZ ENTR UR PIN #!!!11!!1
RASPUTIN: OHAKYAY
RASPUTIN SIGNS HIS FAVORYITR SONG!!1!!
DOR: YSE!!!1!!1!
DA DOOR FLYESZ OPEN!!1!11
BIRD: W00T!!1!!!1
RASPUTIN: ONWERD!!1!!!

RASPUTIN ADN EVRYEIONE ELSE GO IN DA NEXT ROMO!1`!!1
RASPUYTIN: Y R THERR SO MENNY PANDAS IN HERE/!?!?1/1? GRAH!!11!!!!
A BUNCH OF LAWYERZ CUM OUT ADN KIK RASPUTIN
LAWYZERZ; COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT~!!11!1!`` LAWSUIT~``1!!1! LAWSUIT!!1`1~!1
RASPUTIN: WAT DO WE DO??/?/1/1!?
MAN: ILL MAKE A DEVIRITSION!11!1!! U RUN AWAY RASPUTIN!1!!1
Texas Ranger Walker: What about you?!
MAN: IYLL JUTS STAY HEER!!11!1 RASPUTIN IS MOR IMPROTANT THAN ME!!11!
Texas Ranger Walker: Kevin!! Are you really gonna do that to this poor man?!
RASPUTIN: YSE
MAN: OVRR HEER!!1!!1 LOOKIT ME IM DA QUEEN!!11!
MAN DANGLES HIS BIRD OVER A BALCONY!11!!
LAWYSERZ: OMG FRESH MEET!!11!!
RASPUTIN GETS AWAY!!1!!1
RAPSUTIN: QUIKK LETS SOLVA DA RIDDUL!11
DOR: WHER AR U GOING??!/1/!
RASPUTIN: HEAVEN!!111!1!!11!!!!!11!111!1one!11!!1!!111!!11111111
DOOR: YSE!!!111!1
DA DOOR FLIES OPEN!11!1
RASPUTIN: OK LETS GO!111!1
RASPUTIN RUNS THROO DA DOOR!!11!
RASPUTIN: CMON!1!!!
TEXAS RANGER WALKER FITES 2 HOLD BAKK TEERS!!11!
Texas Ranger Walker: So long, man! I'll see you and your bird in the next life...!
TEAXSA RANGER WALKER RUNS THROO TEH DOOR RITE B4 IT CLOSEES!11!11

IN DA NEXKCT ROOM, RASPUTIN ADN TEXAS RANGER WALKER MEET A KIMONO GURL!11!!1
Kimono Girl: Konnichiwa!
RASPUTIN: OSHIT TIHS IS DA AUTHERSS POOR ATETMPT TO AKT CULTUREDD
Kimono Girl: Nani!?
Texas Ranger Walker: Howdy, ma'am!
Kimono Girl: DAGURAAA!?
KIMONO GURL BEETS TEXSAS RANGER WALKER WITH A BADJER!!1!1
RASPUTIN: PWNED!11!1 OK LETS SOLV DA RIDDUL
DOR; NOT SO FASTA!!1!!1 B4 U SOLV TIHS RIDDLE YUO MUTS DO SOMETHGIN!!!1!
RASPUTIN: O/????? WATS TAHT???/?
DOOR: FITE MY WIFE~!11!!11
Kimono Girl: GRRRRRR!!!!!!11!1
RASPUTIN: O UM I TINK TATS MOR ALOGN DA LINES OF JO'S JOB
Texas Ranger Walker: Huh!?
RASPUTIN: SHTU PU ADN FITE JO!!11!1!
Texas Ranger Walker: Fine! You owe me a bourbon, rascal!!
TEXAS RANGER WALKER STARES DOWN TEH KIMIMONO GIRUL!11!
Texas Ranger Walker: Sorry to have to do this to you, ma'am!
TEXAS RANGER WALKER SHOOTS HER
Kimono Girl: OW
KMIONOI GIRL DIES
RASPUTIN: LOL TAHT WOS EESY
DOOR: NOT SO FATS!!1!!1 TAT WASNT MY WIFE SILEE!1!!1
RASPUTIN: HUH?!?!/1!?
DOOR: TIHS IS MY WIEF!!1!!1
TAILZ WALKS OUTTA DA DOOR!!1!!1
RASPUTIN: TAILS?!?!?1/ I THOT I KILLED U!!1!!1
Tails: Most people do.
RASPUTIN: GESS I HAVE 2 DO IT AGEN!!1
RAPSUTIN STARES TAILS DOWN!!11!!1
RASPUTIN; ....,
Tails: ...
RASPUTIN: JO U DO IT
Texas Ranger Walker: What?!
RAPSUTIN: DO IT!!11!
TEXAS RAGINER WALKER SHOOTS TAILZ
Tails: Soniiiic!
TYAILZ IS DE
D
RASPUTIN: LOL U CANT WIN MR. DOOR!11!111
DOOR: FINE!11!`1 WEL HEERZ YUOR RIDDL!!1! WATS DA SQUARE ROOT OF 2???/!?/1?/
RASPUTIn; E-Z!!1!!! ITS...UM......UM.... . ...... . ..............UMMMMM.. . ..... ................
Texas Ranger Walker: Ha! You don't know, do you!?
RASPUTIN: O SHUT PU JO!!11!! LEMME TIHNK...UM......,,...
DOOR: TIME IS RUNNIGN OUT~!111!!
RASPUTIN: O FOKKIT
RASPUTIN WHIPS OUT HIS SHOTGUN ADN BLOWS DA DOOR DOWN!!11!!
DOOR: AAAAAAAAAAOPAWOPIEHGQPOIHPOQIHWPEOIGAH
Texas Ranger Walker: Jeez, Kevin! Why didn't you just do that earlier?!
RASPUTIN: I WAS SAYVIGN TEH BULLETS 2 SHOOT U!!11!!
Texas Ranger Walker: ...Aaaahahahaha!!

RASPUTIN ADN TEXAS RANGER WALKER GO IN TEH NEXT ROOM!!11!
RAPSUTIN: I HOP WE FIDN TEH BATHROOM SOON!!11!!!1
Texas Ranger Walker: Me too, I gotta blast a rocket!
RASPUTIN: ...WAT/1/1?1
Texas Ranger Walker: Oh, nothing...
RASPUTIN WALX UP 2 A SCIENTIST~1`1!1!1
RASPUTIN: UM HI DO U NO WHER DA BATHROOM IS?/???/
Scientist: No, but if you can spare me some sulfur, I'll make you some CRACK!
RAPSUTIN: CRACKERS!?1/!?! OMG I LUV CRACKERS!!11 SPECIALLY TEH RITZ CRAKKERS U NO WIT TEH CHEEZ IN DA MIDDUDL AND ITSY BITSY LITTL PEECES OF SATL!11!!
Scientist: Um...yeah...so, ya got any sulfur on you?
RASPUTIN: UM WUN MINNUT
RAPSUTIN RIPS OUT A LOCK OF TEXAS RANGER WALKERZ HAIR!!1!!!
Texas Ranger Walker: OUCH! Kevin, I resent that!
RAPSUTIN: O GO SUK A COW LOL
RAPSUTIN GIVES TEH BLACK MATERIA 2 SEPHIROTYH
Scientist: Ahahaha! My concoction is complete! My master Zorlock will be able to spread his magic across the entire globe with this enhancement to his spell!
RAPSUTIN: WAT/!?!? MISTER IM AFRAID UR GONNA HAV 2 DEI!!1!!
RASPUTIN KIX TEH SEICNETIST IN DA NUTZ!111!11 TEH SEICNTIST FALLS INTO HIS OWN CONCOCTION!11!1
Scientist: My emperor!!! I've failed youuuuuu!!!
SCIENTIST EXPLDOES!1``111!
RASPUTIN: OK NOW 4 TEH RIDDUL!!1!!1
RASPUTIN ADN TEH TEXAS RANGER GO 2 DA DOOR!1~111
DOOR: UR MOM LOLOLOLOL
TEH DOOR FLIES OOPEN!1111
RAPUSTIN: WAT DA/?!?!?1 HAY WE DIDENT HAV 2 ANSER A RIDDUL!!1
Texas Ranger Walker: Careful, Kevin! It might be a tra--
RASPUTIN IS IN TEH NEXT ROOM!!1!!q
Texas Ranger Walker: KEVIN!!
RASPUTIN: OOWWWOWWOWWOOWWWOWWOWWOWW
RASPUTIN WALKEDD IN2 A BARE TRAP!!1``11!11
Texas Ranger Walker: Idjit!
TEXAS RANGER WALKER THWAPS RAPSUTIN ON DA BAKKA TEH HED!!1!!
Texas Ranger Walker: Lemme get you out of here...
RAPSUTIN: LOOK!!11!!!1
ZORLOKK; LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!11!11!!11!
Texas Ranger Walker: DAMN! It's Zorlock!
ZORLOCK; FOOSLIHHI MORTULS!!11! I WILL KILL U WITH RIDDLES!11!!1 LOLOLOLOLOLO!11!1
RASPUTIN: ..TAHTS IT!?!? I DONT THIKN A RIDDL WILL KILL ME!11!!!!1
ZORLOCK: WAT IS TEH SQUARE ROOT OF 2!?!?/1!?
Texas Ranger Walker: Great! Now we're really screwed!
RASPUTIN; LOL NOT REELEE
RAPSUTIN FIRES A LITE ARRO AT TEH ZORLOCK!11!!1
ZORLOCK; NO!!1!!!1 I WOS GONNA BE ON JEPPERDY TOMARORW!1!1 U ALL SUK!!!1!!1 NOoOOOOoooOoO~
RAPSUTIN: LOL I WIN!11!11!1
TEH W3ZZZARD GOT SERVD!11!!1
KIGN MISER APPEERZ!11!!1
KGIN MISER: HI RASPUTIN!11!! THX U 4 SAVIGN TEH CASTLE!!11 THE NORMUL FLO OF TIEM ADN SPACE RETURNZ NOW COS U DEFEETED DA WIZARD!!!11 NOW TEH STORY WILL COM TO A SCREECHIGN HALT BECAUSE THE AUTHOR IS TOO LAZY